April 22, 2011

First, I have been continually supported by my family and by a cadre of friends around the world who have emailed, written, called, and visited me to give their best wishes and support.  This steady flow of good will has buoyed me and my family and, combined with the positive results reported by daughter-in-law Nancy on 4/6, there is now knowledge that we are getting the results of the kind we are fighting for.  Nancy, who is also a cancer patient, has played a crucial role in helping me.  In addition to starting and running the blog, she is my chemo “navigatrix” and has helped me with food, taught me the virtues of chewing ice, and has loaned me her prized collection of hats and has been there to understand my feelings.   

I went into Chemo III knowing that before it started we would get the news of PETscan results following Chemo I and II and I was apprehensive.   As some of you know, only 40% of the patients that go into this program see positive results and so I am indeed fortunate to be in this group and the feeling that Chemo is having an effect made III easier to take and I am preparing myself for the onslaught of IV which starts on 4/28.  

These battles take their toll on me and my post-chemo responses have each been different each time.  Although they all feature a loss of appetite, a general loss of tasting, and trouble getting the bowels to work, these symptoms came on sooner during III and once home it took a week to get far enough beyond nausea to obtain nourishment.  Another toll of chemo is on my physiology.  III gave me a low blood pressure and depleted my platelets and white cell counts and hemoglobin.  After III it took a week for my platelet count to rise and my white blood cells have just only now, 11 days, started to climb back to levels where the Drs. are not so worried about spontaneous infection….. although this remains a worry for them.    The good news is that this recovery is happening and that IV will occur as scheduled. 

My son Jeff and my daughter Wendy have, between them, been in the hospital beside me on almost every night I have been in there.   They sleep on a small cot and jump up to help every time a nurse comes in … vitals every 2 hours …. and other checks and pills and continual checking of intravenous drips that seems to bring a nurse into the room every 30 min or so….. not to mention the tedious central venous pressure determination….. nurses are surprised when I tell them that Lai and I used to measure this in sharks.   And there is the need to keep me from doing catheter damage when I urgently jump up to pee out the high volume of fluid entering me 24 hours per day.   

Wendy and Jeff have their own young families and still they have a need to be sure I am ok in the hospital.    Wendy and I walked the halls one night at 3 am when my blood pressure got too low…. It was cold.  These times have been hard on them but their presence has made it easier for me… and my son has, after each chemo session come over for 10 days straight to administer the white cell growth enhancer.   All I can say is that I am much closer to Jeff now than since he was very young and Wendy and I were able to have long conversations for the first time in several  years.  These are fine people and I am so thankful and overwhelmed by the love they have shown for me.   

The news remains good for all of my grandchildren all of whom give me a big hug whenever we meet or say good bye.  Tate is doing well in track at school and Nolan says the new bat his dad got him has made him a better batter and so it was ”worth it.”  Dylan is tearing up the baseball diamond and is now the team’s closer.  Bright lights continue to shine on our dear Hailey who stars in softball and soccer, gets straight A’s…..like her mother did…. and excellent citizenship marks and will star in the school’s spring presentation of “Oliver.”   She is indeed special.   We are almost to Easter Sunday and that will see our house filled with family and I am sure there will be a number of Easter Egg hunts as our youngest family member, Princess Melanie will, I am sure, command repeated hunts and will direct the entire events of the day.

My lab continues to run hard and I find distinct pleasure in shedding the bonds of chemo and post chemo and spending the better part of each day in the past week at work  talking to students and even helping a little with some data acquisition.

Life is good and I enjoy each day, each commute, each experience in a vivid way.   I am happily helping to bring the Polypterus study to an end…. And tomorrow my painting friend Rustin is coming over to help me spread paint on a canvas.  Whatever days remain my life is already full and  I am better off with the gift of knowing that good news from the PET scan translates into added time over which to feast on the riches of my existence.

jbg